First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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