I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize