TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize