I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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