you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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