I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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