my phone needs a breathalizer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
