all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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