im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
