a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
