so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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