Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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