I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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