apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
