just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
