I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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