Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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