You just made me feel so damn special
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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