I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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