You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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