3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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