Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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