Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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