i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
