rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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