This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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