well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
