dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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