you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
