i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
