Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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