i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
