Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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