I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
