FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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