Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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