I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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