I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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