you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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