there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
