Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
