We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
