My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
