Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
