it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
not ubering you a puppy
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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