if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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