Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize