Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
