dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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