Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize