I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I want to have your abortion
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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