after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
