nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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