i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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