sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
