Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
