I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize