K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
