Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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